The rain pounded the windshield as I turned up Mount Carson Road. This was the first time I’d been back out here to Virginia’s house since her death three weeks ago. I’d tried to avoid making the trip, allowing time for my own healing, but I had no choice now. Since the funeral something had been pulling me out here and I didn’t understand what... or why. But it was unrelenting, demanding, mysterious.

            As I drove I again realized that I’d never felt such anger and hatred towards another human being since that night of the accident. I could kill that damn hit-and-run driver for slamming into Virginia; strangle him with my own bare hands, if only given the chance. Even if they do convict him, and I hope to God they do, and even if he spends years behind bars, I’ll never forgive him. Never!

            Maybe I’ll never forgive myself either. One moment’s carelessness and my world changed forever. I should have told Virginia my car was low on gas that night. I should have told her a lot of things. I squeezed the steering wheel tightly, haunted by layers of regret rising to the surface and reminding me how much I had to learn about accepting life’s often-brutal twists of fate

            As I passed the curve where they found her body, my heart trembled and tears began to fill my eyes again. A lightning bolt flashed across the dark sky, followed by a loud crash of thunder. I wanted to turn back, to put the inevitable trip off for another few weeks, but again I felt a mysterious sensation drawing me out to here. I shivered, wiped my eyes with my shirtsleeve, and tried to concentrate on the road ahead. Some drivers didn’t. I knew that all too well. And that blind, careless bastard still walks this earth.

            I finally reached her isolated country house and parked in the gravel driveway. The house was dark and lifeless. Only the soft, silent glow from a distant streetlight lent any degree of warmth to the setting. As I walked up to the porch, another painful replay of that night forced its way into my mind. The phone calls from the police an hour after she’d left. Driving her car down to that fateful curve. Seeing her there. I tried to shut it off.        

            For several long moments I stood at the door and breathed deeply, then I clumsily inserted the key in the door. It seemed to twist of its own accord, and the door swung open wide. I must have pushed it open. Doors don’t swing open by themselves. But neither do keys twist themselves. It’s tension and fear, I told myself, that’s all.       

            I stepped inside the hallway and reached for the light switch, but before my fingers made contact, the door behind me slammed shut. I instantly spun around. Then the lights in her living room suddenly came on, and her favorite Ray Charles CD began playing on her stereo. I spun back around, then almost fainted. There she was, only yards away, standing at the end of the hallway, dressed in her purple evening gown, smiling, radiant and beautiful. Virginia!

            “I’ve been waiting for you,” she calmly whispered.

            “Virginia... Oh, my G...God...” I stuttered, not believing my eyes. “You’re... dea... What’s...”

            “Don’t be afraid, Brent.”

            I trembled as she smiled and moved a foot closer to me. I felt the urge to run, but I froze in fear.

            “It’s okay,” she said in a soft voice. “I’ve needed to talk to you. That’s why I’ve been calling you here. I’m glad you finally came.”

            This is just a dream, a nightmare, I told myself. I tried to wake up, but couldn’t.

            “You’re not dreaming, Brent.”

            “Virginia, what...” Again I struggled for words. “I don’t...”

            “You don’t understand. I know. But I can only see you for a few brief moments so please listen and let me offer you some peace while I can. This is the way it was supposed to happen.”

            “Wha...? What do you mean?” I asked, trying to balance myself between sheer panic and the joy of seeing her again.

            “Carl Taylor, the driver who accidentally hit me. He wasn’t supposed to see me. He’s not to blame.”

            I felt dizzy and I gasped for breath.

            “And nor are you, Brent!”

            “But... if I’d only remembered to warn you that my car was low on gas... you could have stopped for some while you were in town... and not been left stranded out on that dark winding road. I just didn’t think about it until you drove out the...”

            “No, this was what I chose. Fast and quick. I was going to be diagnosed with incurable cancer within a year. This way was better and I chose it. You’re not to blame... nor is he.”

            “Chose it? Not to blame him? Virginia, how... what...?”

            “The night before the accident I had another one of my strange dreams. But this one was different.” She smiled and shook her head softly, attempting to comfort me with one of her girlish looks. “I never got the chance to tell you about it. I was going to, but I wanted to think it over for a few days, to try to understand it. In the dream a sweet young girl with a golden ponytail told me that I was being offered the chance to choose between two fates: the terminal cancer or the hit and run accident. I never knew until... until later... that it was more than just a dream. I’d chosen this way to leave... to be less painful for both of us... and... so I could be back with you again sooner.”

            I trembled, cold and lost, raindrops falling from my raincoat. A choice of deaths? Was I going crazy? Had anger pushed me over the edge of sanity?

            “You must forgive him, Brent,” she pleaded, aware of my shock and confusion, but undaunted. “You must! In a few days the case against him will be dropped, so be prepared for this and don’t be hateful towards him. He regrets it all, especially driving away from the scene, and he will never completely forgive himself.”

            I shivered, still mesmerized by her presence, but she continued despite my fears.

            “He’d been dozing off behind the wheel when he swerved off the road and hit me. He immediately woke up and was terrified, but he drove on, suspecting that he’d indeed hit a woman. Seconds later his friend who’d been asleep in the passenger seat woke up and asked what happened. Carl said that he’d just hit a deer. His friend suggested they forget it and continue on homeward. Carl felt relieved.”

            “That bastard!” I screamed.

            Virginia gave me a look of sympathy, then continued. “The next day his friend grew suspicious after seeing an article in the morning paper about the hit-and-run accident, so he called the police anonymously and suggested they go by and look at Carl’s truck. By the time the police found Carl back at his house later that evening, however, he’d already cleaned his truck thoroughly and created a solid alibi for himself. The police were suspicious and their investigation resulted in his arrest... but the forensic evidence is insufficient, his alibi will hold up, and the case will be dropped.”

            “He killed you!” I protested. “He should pay!”

            “He is paying. Besides, this way I’ll be able to come back into your life.”

            “C... come back?” I asked, unsure what to believe anymore.

            “As your daughter... when you marry the writer who will come into your life in two years. She’s a magnificent woman and...”

            “Virginia, I wanted to marry you! I was going to...”

            “To give me a ring on my birthday. I know. And I would have accepted. And we would have been married, but I would have died of cancer three years later, causing you even more pain than this has. This way we can be together... if you want that.”

            I fell to my knees and cried, torn by conflicting emotions I’d never experienced in the midst of an occurrence I could not even believe was happening.

            “To forgive him... and yourself... is to allow me to return to you. You must believe me, Brent. I would never lie to you.”

            I looked up at her. She’d moved closer, and I could now see that she was slightly translucent, like a ghost, a beautiful and loving ghost.

            “I... I still don’t understand.”

            “You will, Brent. It will all become clear in time. But I must go... for now. I love you! And I always will!”

            “Virginia!” I screamed as she vanished before my eyes. “Virginia!”

            The CD player and the lights suddenly turned themselves off. There was complete silence and darkness. I fell back to the floor and cried for several minutes, then finally stood up, made my way back to my car and drove away. As I again passed that fateful curve, I felt a momentary sense of inexplicable relief. She didn’t blame him. I had to learn to at least forgive him. And myself.

            That happened five years ago today. The experience will forever be carved into the depths of my psyche. I may never understand how Virginia appeared before me that night, but I now understand why. Perhaps that’s of more importance anyway.

            I sit in the living room of our new home, pretending to read. I hear Shannon, my wife, in the chair next to me softly flipping through pages and mumbling to herself as she reads another draft of her sixth novel. She’s a magnificent woman and she knows the whole story of my strange encounter with Virginia that night. And she accepts it. She even wrote a book about it. Though that experience will always be a mystery to me I am now at peace.

            She turns to me and smiles. I smile back. I don’t mention that tonight marks the fifth anniversary of that encounter. Shannon returns to her reading. Little Virginia has been playing with a doll but catches the silent communication between Shannon and me. She puts the doll down and walks over to me, her golden ponytail swinging freely.

            “Can I sit in your lap, Daddy?”

            “Of course, dear.” I help her up.

            “Daddy, I love you!” she softly whispers in my ear.

            “I love you too, Virginia. And I always will.”

            She gives me that girlish look I know so well, then kisses me. I feel tears in my eyes.

            “Don’t cry, Daddy,” she says.

            “These are tears of joy, Virginia. I’m so glad to have you with me. Again.”