Why did I blare my horn at that idiot and shoot him the finger? Simple. That featherbrained jackass swerved into my lane and almost rammed into me, and as a conscientious driver, I always do my duty to teach a little dignity to numbskulls like him who are oblivious to other people on the road. And I have a right to do so because I’m a perfect driver.  

Yes, that’s right. I’m always alert, always paying attention, and always aware of every driver around me. Furthermore, I firmly believe that all accidents are avoidable. But creeps like that guy would rather blab away on their cell phones, eat dinner, or flip through CDs than pay attention while driving. I ought to ram his damn truck, or speed up and swerve into his lane and force him into the gutter, but I wouldn’t stoop to that level. Not me. I'm above such childish behavior.

Yet in addition to that guy, there are also the jerks who drive too slowly in the left land, those who always cut people off, those who drive too aggressively and zip around like crazed speed freaks, those who have absolutely no 'feel' for the flow of traffic, and countless other types of goofballs behind the wheel. Now I'm a kind and compassionate human being, but I say whatever their shortcomings, screw them! These inbred goons don’t have a damn clue about driving and they shouldn't even be allowed on our public streets. Better yet, they should be dragged out of their cars and shot on the spot for their lack of respect for others.  

Now, believe me, if such action were undertaken by an agency set up specifically to rid society of such dregs behind the wheel, do you know what we’d have left? Intelligent, sensitive, patient, perceptive drivers like me who have consistently avoided becoming a crash fatality victim due to some nitwit's arrogance, inattentiveness, or sheer stupidity. Damn dim-witted imbeciles!  

Yes, I am proud to state that I have a perfect driving record. I’ve never received a ticket, never had an accident, and never have I been sleepy or had any alcohol in my system when I was behind the wheel. Never! That’s me, the perfect driver, always in control, continually studying the road ahead of and behind me, and completely aware of all vehicles around me at all times, ready to react with wisdom and experience.  You see I’ve always...

Oh, my God!

Watch where you’re going! 

No, don’t try to pass me now! No!

Watch it, you damn moron!

Crash!!!

Jerk! My funeral is next Friday. Do me a favor and don't attend because I'm finally at peace after spending a lifetime being around inept, lame-brained drivers... LIKE YOU!