THE DIMSOMS

A Musical Comedy

LOGLINE: After falling from middle-class, a wimpy father shows courage and brings his dysfunctional family together when his daughter and niece are kidnapped by goons to whom he owes a bundle of money.

THE DIMSOMS (91 pages) is a musical comedy about the struggles of Fred Dimsom and his motley family after they fall from upper class, thanks to Fred’s investment in a corrupt Chinese currency trading firm. Fred’s brother Dave, a rich religious TV host, lets the Dimsoms stay in a cheesy house he owns, and gets Fred a job selling used cars... or trying to. Then the past catches up with Fred when gangsters to whom he owes $200,000 find him and demand payment. Aware that Fred has no money, they kidnap Fred’s daughter and Dave’s daughter and demand $500,000 ransom, adding their $300,000 service fee, but the gangsters’ plans are disrupted when the girls overtake their kidnappers and demand terms of their own. All major characters dance and sing songs such as: Normal, Swingers, God Keeps the Cash Rolling In, You’ve Got to Close the Deal, Hormones, Therapy, It’s All Fred’s Fault, We Could Just Shoot Them in the Head, I Got a Calling, They’re Our Neighbors Too, Credit Cards, Working Out Helps Your Head, You Won't Get Laid Acting That Way, Cell Phones, You’ve Still Got Your Eyes on My Wife, Make a Documentary, We’ll All Be TV Stars, plus many more.  

All songs & THE DIMSOMS (screenplay) © 2006 Library of Congress
THE DIMSOMS (screenplay) WGA West - Registration # 1135286
Gary L. Wimmer
7209 Whispering Oaks Dr.
Austin, TX 78745 USA
(512) 707-0836

http://www.garywimmer.com/ 
http://imdb.com/name/nm2256473/

Songlist

To read the screenplay, contact me. Click on a song from the Songlist below to page to it, then click on the title to hear the mp3 in a new window. These are only demos, but you can clearly hear the melody and feel the attitude of each song.

DEBBIE:
Normal? There's nothing normal about us
Our marriage is nothing but a rut
Our life's a joke, our kids are losers
A brainless brute, a computer nerd, and a teenage slut

Normal? Fred, start thinking money
Remember, thanks to your sweet ass
We had it all, and then you blew it
Now we're stuck living lower class

FRED:
Oh, Please, don't lay it on me, Debbie
Now is now, and then, well, that was then
I'll make a bundle selling used cars
And we'll be rich and happy once again

A provider that's my nature
I'm your husband, I'm not your fatal curse
And besides HA HA! you vowed forever
To be with me for better or worse

TWO MOVING MEN:
Normal? None of you folks are normal
We've moved a thousand people yet somehow
We have never seen such dysfunction
In a family like the one we're moving now

SHEILA:
Shutup! And keep out of our business
We don't need tips from goons with crummy jobs
We're all proud of our dysfunctions
We may be weird, but we're not worthless slobs

TOM:
Yeah, we're brothers, who really do love each other
Though I often have to slap shithead's face
Cause he's a wiseass with an attitude
And it's my job to keep him in his place

JIM:
He's just a meathead, on a mission
He's an idiot guaranteed to fail
He thinks he's macho, but he's a lamebrain
And he'll probably spend his life in jail

EVERYONE:
Normal? Who can say what's normal
Let the perfect person throw the perfect stone
Because inside it seems we're all screwed up
And we live in a world all our own.

From across the street Jerry and Maggie, two sexy swingers, watch Fred and the Dimsoms move in. Captivated by lust, Jerry suggests they consider adding the new couple to their list of swingers, but Maggie is not interested.

Verse 1 - MAGGIE:
He's just an innocent family man - Trying to do the best he can
He's not the type for our life style - And I doubt he'll ever be
He's a one-lady man if there ever was one - Seducing him is not for me

Verse 2 - JERRY:
But she's got the kind of rack I love - The kind I never get tired of
And oh, what an ass, yes you'll have to agree - Lord, I can feel it now
Even one-lady men have weak spots - And we can talk them into it somehow 'Cause

Chorus 1 - MAGGIE and JERRY:
Cause we're swingers, and we don't deny we like to venture and explore
We're in love and we love to share it, who could ask for anything more
Cause we're swingers and we're damn proud that we thrive on diversity
We feel secure in who we are and we're liberated sexually

Verse 3 - MAGGIE:
But I think I'll let this one pass - In spite of her magnificent ass
Poor Fred looks like a weary soul - Worn out and void of luck
You know that I like guys with girth and style - Fred's not the kind I want to f...

Verse 4 - JERRY:
Oh, Maggie, let's give it a try - Well, I'll bet Fred's a passionate guy
The kind with a fire in his eyes - Who always plays it cool
He's a lover, for sure, I guarantee - And he's probably hung like a mule

Chorus 2 - MAGGIE and JERRY:
We're swingers, and we don't deny we like to venture and explore
We're in love and love to share it, who could ask for anything more
Yes, we're swingers, and we're damn proud that we thrive on diversity
We feel secure in who we are, and we're liberated sexually
Yes, we feel secure in who we are, and we're liberated sexually

******************

Reverend Dave gets Fred a job selling cars for Dan Crammer, the owner of the lot. After Fred fails to make any sales, Dan barges onto the lot, gets in Fred's face, and sings this song. Salesmen join in. A couple looking at cars is stunned.

DAN:
You’ve got to close the deal - And make sure that all these suckers feel 
They got the car from you at cost - And it made their dreams come true 
Let the dumb fools leave believing - They’ve pulled one over you 
DAN: That’s how you close the deal        SALESMEN: That’s how you close the deal 

Use personality - And pour on some subtle flattery
Walk them around and be their friend - Agree with them what’s hot
Get their cash, hand them the keys - And run their asses off our lot
DAN: That’s how you close the deal       SALESMEN: That’s how you close the deal

Chorus 1:DAN and SALESMEN:
Be courteous and kind, and slick as slick can be 
Tell them what they want to hear, and embellish it liberally 
Make sure every poor sap thinks the car he got was a steal 
Just look ‘em in the eyes and pack ‘em full of lies ‘cause that’s 
How you close the deal                         SALESMEN: That’s how you close the deal 

DAN:
Show them we’re the best - Because we always sell for less
Every car’s guaranteed one full mile - If it breaks down, tell them, “Friend
We’ll tow it free to our garage.” - Then we’ll gouge them once again
DAN: That’s how you close the deal       SALESMEN: That’s how you close the deal

It they come back mad - Knowing just how much they’ve been had
Apologize, how could you know - The frame was bent in a crash
Then sell ‘em on some other wheels - And get another wad of their cash
DAN: That’s how you close the deal       SALESMEN: That’s how you close the deal

Chorus 2: DAN and SALESMEN:
Bring out all the good points, convince them they have style 
Be a conscientious con man, and dupe them with a smile
Forget honesty and ethics, Profit, that’s what’s real
So do whatever you must to gain their trust ‘cause that’s how you close the deal 
SALESMEN: That’s how you close the deal

DAVE and BELINDA:
We've got it made, as you can see
Our show's now up to number three
And we're happy as we can be
'Cause God keeps the cash rolling in

We worked real hard, we won't deny
But we had faith that money can't buy
And rich investors who gave us a try
'Now God keeps the cash rolling in

Chorus 1 - DAVE and BELINDA:
We sell all kinds of products to help folks stay on His side
We have a special line to Him so heed us and abide
Or suffer tribulations and the scourges of sin
We've seen the Light, we're living proof we right
'Cause God keeps the cash rolling in

CREW:
Now Reverend Dave's a clever thief
He conned her dad beyond belief
They're a seedy team, but we don't beef
'Cause God keeps the cash rolling in

We do their show and they pay us well
We're not believers but what the Hell
We go along and say they're swell
'Cause God keeps the cash rolling in

Chorus 2 - EVERYONE:
We sell all kinds of products to help folks stay on His side
We have a special line to Him so heed us and abide
Or suffer tribulations and the scourges of sin
We've seen the Light, we're living proof we right
'Cause God keeps the cash
Yes, God keeps the cash
Oh, God keeps the cash rolling in

As he leaves an appointment with a psychiatrist, Fred feels much better about his life, and starts singing to the receptionist, who joins in with the other patients who are waiting their turns to see the doctor. 

Verses 1 & 2: FRED
I'm in therapy I see a doctor with a
brain degree a patient man who
listens to me and charges quite a fee
But it's all making sense thanks to therapy

I wear a big big smile though I've been down for a
long long while Now my neuroses are
all on file But I'm in style
Cause everybody needs a little therapy

Chorus 1: EVERYONE & FRED
Therapy      Turned my world around for me
Feeling blind, yes, and barely free      But now I see
I was losing my mind, life was unkind, and now I'm back, one more time for more
Therapy      Best thing to ever happen to me
So if you're feeling that pain, ahh, come out of the rain
'Cause everybody needs a little therapy

Verses 3 & 4: FRED
It was all because I was a nut case
With endless flaws A worn man in
Life's sharp claws Stuck on pause
But I'm okay thanks to therapy

Now it's all so clear I lost my control
And could not steer all because of some
primal fear but I'm now in gear
Thanks to the benefits of therapy

Chorus 2: EVERYONE & FRED
Therapy      Turned my world around for me
Feeling blind, yes, and barely free      But now I see
I was losing my mind, life was unkind, and now I'm back, one more time for more
Therapy      Best thing to ever happen to me
So if you're feeling that pain, ahh, come out of the rain
'Cause everybody needs a little therapy

******************

Return to Songlist

Contact Information:
Gary L. Wimmer
7209 Whispering Oaks Dr.
Austin, TX 78745 USA
(512) 707-0836